You are looking for help because your relationship or sex life has hit the rocks. It may be a relationship issue such as disappointment, resentment, hurt or anger that is seeping into the bedroom causing sex to be difficult or a sexual problem is creating friction between you. Blame and judgement have become your norm; stealing your joy. Your differences regularly trigger arguments and your situation feels like an insurmountable problem.
Some of the factors that can impact your sex life and relationship include degradation in sexual response (concern regarding arousal and orgasm), painful sex, betrayal, boredom, illness and medication and the aging process. Or it can be fertility issues, termination or loss of pregnancy, childlessness, traumatic childbirth and the transition to becoming parents that have taken their toll.
Perhaps you feel that your sex life is in the doldrums, it has become routine, less satisfying. You have a sense of what is not working for you but you’re not sure how to ask for what you want or maybe you don’t even know what you want. It may be the difference in your levels of sexual desire or the fact that you have opposite sexual interests that has become a tension between you. Maybe there has been a gradual decline in your pleasure, and you can’t remember the last time you had sex. Or your sex life is ‘fine’ but you wonder how you could enhance the experience or you have curiosities about different sexual practices or relationship models.
When your sex life feels difficult, it is easier to avoid initiating sex rather than risk another disappointment or failure. Once you are in the pattern of avoidance, you cannot see how to rekindle desire and find sexual enjoyment again. When your relationship becomes a struggle, it can feel a lonely and miserable place.
The idea of doing couples sessions feels daunting, but you are worried about the continued lack of emotional and sexual intimacy. You are desperate to find the love, joy and excitement in your couple. You want emotional and sexual closeness so that you look forward to being sexual together. To have the confidence to express your sexual desires and the inspiration to explore new ways of being sexual with each other.
In my work with couples I believe what matters above all else is that the relationship serves the needs and dreams of those involved. Thriving relationships bring intimate connection, growth and deep happiness. True intimacy is where you can risk being truly seen and where you see your partner.
I work with couples who are experiencing difficulties in either their relationship or their sex life or both. My couples work includes working through emotional conflict, providing support for sexual problems and giving inspiration for enhanced sexual satisfaction. The couple sessions are for people who are willing to make changes, prepared to self-reflect and prepared to practice between sessions.
